[FASTLARRY]

U R not an old fart, get outta here now.

This is not for you. If you are not pullin social security and reading the obits every day in the paper, do not go forward, leave now.

But if U R older than dirt, then go down to the next topic and reply.

click the pic to have it give you young ins a message

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[FASTLARRY]

Observations on Growing Older

~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them
...but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.
Coming home is better!

~When people say you look "Great"...
they add "for your age!"

~When you needed the discount you paid full price.
Now you get discounts on everything ...
movies, hotels, flights, but you're too tired to use them.

~You forget names ... but it's OK
because other people forgot
they even knew you!!!

~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose
is now 15 and you have a better chance
of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.

~You realize you're never going
to be really good at anything .... especially golf.

~Your spouse is counting on you
to remember things you don't remember.

~The things you used to care to do,
you no longer care to do,
but you really do care that you
don't care to do them anymore.

~Your spouse sleeps better on a lounge chair
with the TV blaring than he does in bed.
It's called his "pre-sleep"..

~Remember when your mother said
"Wear clean underwear in case you GET in an accident"?
Now you bring clean underwear in case you HAVE an accident!

~You used to say,
"I hope my kids GET married .
Now, "I hope they STAY married!"

~You miss the days when everything worked
with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ...
were unheard of, and a mouse was something
that made you climb on a table.

~You used to use more 4 letter words .
"what?"..."when?" ???

~Now that you can afford
expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it.

~Notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet ....
2 of which you will never wear.

~~~~But old is good in some things:
old songs
old movies
And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!

Love you, "OLD FRIEND!"

Send this on to other "Old Friends!" and
let them laugh in AGREEMENT!!!

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[FASTLARRY]

Home Remedes That Work ! FOR OLD FARTS



THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING YO OLE LADY TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THEIR SINK INSTEAD.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED FOUR TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE. GORILLA GLUE WILL FIX ANYTHING.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM. Or: THEN USE THE HAMMER TO TEAR THE SOB OFF OF THE WALL SO IT WILL NOT AGGRAVATE YOU ANY MORE.

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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[FASTLARRY]

Bull she-yit, we don't have 51 old farts here, you young people are peeking. I know all the old farts here and I can count them on two hands.

Forum for only old farts. When you wake up in the morning and don't start making the same sounds of your coffee pot going off and perculating, U R not an old fart.

[FASTLARRY]

This is your story, and you are stickin to it....

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[FASTLARRY]

Senior Health Care Solution




Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a senior citizen and the Government says no healthcare for you, what do you do?

Our Plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets.

Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives.

Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? Free sex and your cell mate will say, what's my name, Ben Dover, its All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this? The same Government that just told you that you are too old for health care.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any Income Taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?!

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[FASTLARRY]

Subject: Fw: The Month After Christmas










Twas the month after Christmas,
and all through the house,
Nothing would fit me,
not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled,
the chocolate I'd taste
At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales
there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store
(less a walk than a lumber),

I'd remember the marvellous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

So, away with the last of the sour cream dip.
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie, not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie.
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a
bore...
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all, and to all a good diet.

And, I am now a pig.

click the pics to have them come alive

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[FASTLARRY]

Subj: FW: Fw: Seniors at War



YEE HAW!!


New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
Stop sending our kids to war to be killed. Any new war, should have all those in congress who vote for it, to lead the charge and be on the front lines. If we put that into law, we have seen our last war.

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35..

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some butthole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile. I wake up pissed off, I am a fairly dangerous person.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the heck. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical S.O.B. sneak up on me at 6am, you are a dead som bitch.


If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. I would go, dang, senior moment, dont bother putting those battery cables on my balls, it won't do no good.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled by our old ladies at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling so we go out and kill defenseless deer.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. Running did come in real handy for the Army in Korea when a million chinks came over the Yalu.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. We need them around, so getting us old farts blown away is like a mercy killing.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them. What the fook do they have to lose, they will kill those diper heads, take no prisoners, get it over fast and come home. We would roll into afganastan, shoot all those diper heads, in the nuts, napalm all the tribal regions and burn them out of the caves like we did the Japs on Iwo. Turn the Iwo Jima retired marine corps loose on those ass holes. They will show them what real war is, and how to win a war, just kill them all, end of story. The new motto would be, the only good diper head, is a fuckin dead diper head.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my gosh!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!


Send this to all of your senior friends...it's in big type so they can read it.

And Maxine would like to weigh in on the subject of towel heads.

click the pic to enlarge it

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[FASTLARRY]

Subject: Fw: FW: Remember Who Did This?


>
>
>>>
>>> >
>>> > Now don't be mad at old people, (or me) just remember who did
>>> > this......
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Franklin Delano. Roosevelt
>>> >
>>> > 32nd. President, Democrat
>>> >
>>> > Terms of Office March 4, 1933, to April 12, 1945
>>> >
>>> > GO TO HERE !
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Our Social Security
>>> > Franklin Delano. Roosevelt (Terms of Office March 4, 1933, to April
>>> > 12,1945), a Democrat, introduced Social Security (FICA) Program. He
>>> > Promised:
>>> >
>>> > 1..) That participation in the Program would be Completely
>>> > voluntary,
>>> > 2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first
>>> > $1,400 of their annual Incomes into the Program,
>>> > 3.) That the money the participants elected to put Into the
>>> > Program
>>> > would be deductible from Their income for tax purposes each year,
>>> > 4.) That the money the participants put into the Independent
>>> > 'Trust
>>> > Fund' rather than into the General operating fund, and therefore,
>>> > would
>>> > Only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no
>>> > other Government program, and
>>> > 5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed
>>> > as income.
>>> > Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a
>>> > Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are
>>> > getting taxed on 85% of the moneywe paid to the Federal government to
>>> > 'Put Away' -- you may be interested in the following:
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > ----------THEN---------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Dwight David Eisenhower
>>> >
>>> > 34th. President, Republican,
>>> >
>>> > Term Of Office: January 20, 1953 to January 20, 1961
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Insert by Vincent Peter Render,
>>> > If I recall correctly, 1958 is the first year that Congress, not
>>> > President Eisenhower, voted to remove funds from Social Security and
>>> > put it into the General Fund for Congress to spend.
>>> > If I recall correctly, it was a
>>> > democratically controlledCongress.
>>> > From what I understand,Congress' logic at that time was that there was
>>> > so much money in Social Security Fund that it would never run out / be
>>> > used up for the purpose it was intended / set aside for.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > -------------WORSE
>>> > STILL------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Lyndon Baines Johnson 36th. President,Democrat
>>> >
>>> > Term Of Office: November 22, 1963 to January 20, 1969
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Question: Which Political Party took Social Security from the
>>> > Independent 'Trust Fund' and put it into the General Fund so that
>>> > Congress could spend it?
>>> >
>>> > Answer: It was Lyndon B. Johnson (Democrat,Term of Office: November
>>> > 22,1963 to January 20, 1969) and the democratically Controlled House
>>> > and Senate.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > --------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> > Question: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax Deduction
>>> > for Social Security
>>> >
>>> > (FICA) withholding?
>>> >
>>> > Answer: The Democratic Party.
>>> >
>>> > -----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > William Jefferson Clinton
>>> >
>>> > (Bill Clinton)
>>> >
>>> > 42nd. President
>>> >
>>> > Democrat Term of Office: January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
>>> >
>>> > (Al Gore)
>>> >
>>> > 45th. Vice President
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Democrat Term of Office: January 20, 1993 to January 20, 2001
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Question: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security
>>> > annuities?
>>> > Answer: The Democratic Party, with Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.. (Al
>>> > Gore) [Vice President Term of Office: January 10, 1993 to January
>>> > 20, 2001] casting the 'tie-breaking' deciding vote asPresident of the
>>> > Senate, while he was Vice President of= the US ....
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > ------------------THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK
>>> > !!-------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > James Earl Carter, Jr
>>> >
>>> > (Jimmy Carter)
>>> >
>>> > 39th President, Democrat
>>> >
>>> > Term of Office: January 20, 1977 to January 20, 1981
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Question: Which Political Party decided to start giving Annuity
>>> > payments to immigrants?
>>> > AND MY FAVORITE:
>>> >
>>> > ANSWER: That's right! JAMES EARL CARTER, JR. (jIMMY CARTER)
>>> > (DEMOCRAT, TERM OF OFFICE: JANUARY 20, 1977 TO JANUARY 20, 1981 AND
>>> > THE DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
>>> > IMMIGRANTS MOVED INTO THIS COUNTRY, AND AT AGE 65, BEGAN TO RECEIVE
>>> > SOCIAL SECURITY PAYMENTS: THE DEMOCRATIC PARTYGAVE THESE PAYMENTS TO
>>> > THEM,EVEN THOUGH THEY NEVER
>>> > PAID A DIME INTO IT!
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Then, after violating the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn
>>> > around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social
>>> > Security away!
>>> >
>>> > And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!
>>> >
>>> > If enough people receive this, maybe a seed of Awareness will be
>>> > planted and maybe changes WILL evolve! . Maybe not, some Democrats
>>> > are awfully sure of what isn't so. But it's worth a try. How many
>>> > people can YOU send this to?
>>> > Actions speak louder than bumper stickers..
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > ----------------------------------------------------------------------
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Now, they want to do even worse with health care under the guise that
>>> > they really care about health care.
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > But, we know better. DON'T
>>> > WE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > Thomas Jefferson
>>> >
>>> > 3rd. President, Democrat
>>> >
>>> > Term of Office: January 20, 1777 to January 20, 1781
>>> >
>>> >
>>> >
>>> > "A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong
>>> > enough to take everything you have."
>>> >
>>> > Thomas Jefferson

[FASTLARRY]

Subject: Fw: Where Did Maxine Come From ???


I forward this to you all whom I call friends. Every time I get one of these "Maxine" e-mails I think of how much Fayetta liked these cartoons and had me print them out for her. Most of them fit in with her philosophy of life. However, there is one in this e-mail that she may have rebelled against. The one where Maxine says "There should be a support group for women who can't put dirty dishes in the dishwasher". I think there should be one about the potential visit to our home of "The bed inspector". I expected to have one visit us everyday.
Larry

Where Did Maxine Come From ? This is interesting.. I never knew who the creator of Maxine was! After the Maxine jokes there is a summary on how she was created and a photo of her creator. More from the gal everyone loves and admires, and you finally get to meet her creator at the end.
Creator Of Maxine

John Wagner, Hallmark artist since 1970, says Maxine was inspired by his mother, his maiden aunts and his grandmother, the woman who bought him art lessons when 'fill in the pumpkins' was about the extent of his art classes at St. John's Catholic School in Leonia N.J.

John remembers doodling as a preschooler and says both his grandmother and his mother encouraged his artistic interests. He eventually attended the Vesper George School of Art in Boston and landed at Hallmark as part of a new artists group.

But it was the birth of the humorous Shoebox Greetings (a tiny little division of Hallmark) in 1986 that added a new dimension to John's professional life. The Shoebox way of seeing the world unleashed his talents and he created Maxine.

'Cartoonists are sensitive to the insanities of the world; we just try to humanize them,' John says. 'If Maxine can get a laugh out of someone who feels lonely or someone who is getting older and hates the thought of another birthday, or if she can make someone chuckle about stressful interpersonal relationships, then I'm happy. Putting a smile on someone's face is what it's all about.'

Those smiles have led to Maxine's becoming a bit of a celebrity. She (and John) have been the subject of media stories, including People , USA Today, Good Morning America, The Wall Street Journal, St. Petersburg (FL) Times, and Las Vegas Journal-Review, and they have been included in a major Associated Press story. Collector and trade publications have reported fans nationwide are collecting

Maxine items. Letters from consumers and fans to John and Maxine reveal a very personal connection to Maxine. Many people say they are just like her.

Why the name 'Maxine'? 'People at Shoebox started referring to the character as 'John Wagner's old lady,' and I knew that would get me into trouble with my wife,' John says. The Shoebox team had a contest among themselves to name the character and three of the approximately 30 entries suggested 'Maxine'. John says the name is perfect.

John, who says he's humbled by such acceptance of Maxine,

admits he's proud of her.

Now you know the story of how Maxine came to be.

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[Pelican]

Inside evry old person is a young person saying "What the fook happened"

I love the Wille Nelson quote:

"I have outlived my pecker"

Pel

[FASTLARRY]

Pelican, on Jan 12 2010, 05:54 PM, said:

Inside evry old person is a young person saying "What the fook happened"

I love the Wille Nelson quote:

"I have outlived my pecker"

Pel

Yep, and I say, when my pecker goes, its time for me to go.

[headmuses]

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about..

The letter read:

Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension.

Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.. Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman.


The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went.

A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those ******** at the post office.

Sincerely, Edna

[FASTLARRY]

Let me say, that young people, do not write about old people, they mostly find them, disgusting. So all of this, is from, old people. This shows that old people, have humor, a sense of humor, and the ability to laugh at their own selves, young people generally do not have. There is a lesson there.

[headmuses]

I think Willie Nelson summed up old age the best

"I out-lived my pecker"



Cant get any more descriptive and humorous than that.

[FASTLARRY]

headmuses, on Jan 13 2010, 11:57 PM, said:

I think Willie Nelson summed up old age the best

"I out-lived my pecker"

Cant get any more descriptive and humorous than that.

FL SAY: wHEN YOU outlive yo pecker, its time to go. There is little reason to continue on to live. The only reason I am still kicking around, is me willie still works, now and then.

[FASTLARRY]

I have had some bad bathroom experiences, like when one of my kids got pissed I grounded him for smokin dope, and he put super glue on my toilet seat, or when I woke up still half plastered and picked up my preperation H instead of my toothpaste and went to work. ooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Or when recently I told Dr rastafarian, every morning I go into the bathroom, look into the mirror and throw up. He said, well, at least your vision is perfect.

Now here comes another one. You old farts, need to clean out your medicine cabinets, and get off about half of the shit you are now on.

This is crazy.....It is true too! There is a link at the bottom
of this to the FDA website with the information.

I want my friends and loved ones to know what has happened to me
in hopes that it will never happen to you or anybody you care about.
About 10 days ago, I felt a cold coming on; so before I went to bed I
used Zicam Cold Remedy Nasal Gel. It's supposed to help you "get over
your cold faster."
Immediately after I sprayed it into each nostril I felt the most
horrific burning sensation imaginable. It literally felt like I had
sprayed pepper spray directly into my brain. It burned all the way to
the top of my skull.
My nasal passages swelled, my eyes watered - the burning lasted all
night long into the next day.

After about a day, I realized I couldn't taste anything and I
thought, "Wow - I must really have a bad cold." Then I noticed that I
couldn't smell coffee brewing, couldn't smell my perfume when I put it
on, couldn't smell the popcorn I burned, couldn't smell my favorite
candle. I panicked and starting smelling everything that I could find
that had really strong odors - ammonia, finger nail polish remover,
bleach, etc. I couldn't smell ANYTHING! I started tasting everything
that had really strong tastes such as HOT salsa, raw red onions,
Doritos, coffee. I couldn't taste ANYTHING!

I told my mother about this and she said, "Oh, I've heard Zicam
can affect your Olfactory nerve." I went online, typed in "Zicam side
effects" and bam - up popped all sorts of web sites with people reporting the
same thing I experienced. It seems that this past June, Zicam pulled
the swabs for adults and children off the shelf but not the nasal gel.

I went to my ENT and he said the Zicam had basically "FRIED" my
Olfactory nerve and the results are most likely permanent. He put me on
a strong dose of a steroid called Prednisone in hopes of recovering ANY
bit of the nerve damage but he told me to "take this and pray." He said
he had read about the side effects of Zicam and couldn't believe it is
still on the shelf.. It isn't FDA approved. I am taking the Prednisone
and praying but nothing is happening.. I LITERALLY CANNOT SMELL OR
TASTE ANYTHING! I can tell if foods are hot or cold, I can tell the
consistency and I can faintly detect if it is salty but that is it.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE pass this on to everyone you care about.
I don't want this to happen to ANYONE else!!!!!!!!!! And if you have
Zicam in your medicine cabinet--THROW IT AWAY!

[FASTLARRY]

WHO SAYS WE'RE NOT RICH!!!


Silver in the Hair

Gold in the Teeth.

Stones in the Kidneys

Sugar in the Blood.

Lead in the Ass.

Iron in the Arteries.

And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.

I never thought I'd accumulate such wealth


click the pic to have it come alive

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[FASTLARRY]

Ok, now I am really getting upset, no way, we have 150 older than dirt old farts here. You young ins keep sneaking in and peeking in our forum. Get out, vamoose, andale.

Here is a quiz, if you don't get 16 of the 25 at the bottom, this fourm is verbotten to you.

Yo Sarah got 23 of them, but she came to Georgia on a comastoga covered wagon.


THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS:
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had..

I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea.. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.

Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1.. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older t han dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.

Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends...

[FASTLARRY]

The liberals are asking us to give Obama time.
We agree and think 25 to life would be appropriate.
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America needs Obamacare like Nancy Pelosi needs a Halloween mask.
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Q: Have you heard about McDonalds new Obama Value Meal?
A: Order anything you like and the guy behind you has to pay for it.
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Q: What does Barack Obama call lunch with a convicted felon?
A: A fund raiser.
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Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers and threats to society.
The other is for housing prisoners.
**********************

If Pelosi, Reid, Kerry and Obama were on a boat in the middle of the
ocean and it sank, who would be saved? .... America !
**********************

Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers, He has a real birth certificate, not one that was forged, he is not a muslim, he was born in America.