[FASTLARRY]

What does Tiger woods have in common with a Baby Seal?


Both have been clubbed in the head by a Norweigian.

The highway partrol asked his wife what did she use.

She said, his driver, and put me down for a 5.

[Demondrew]

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a Esclade?
Tiger can drive a golf ball 300 yards but not an Esclade.

Tiger is changing his name to Cheetah.

[FASTLARRY]

This is going to be one of the most expensive pieces of ass of all time, about 300 million. That is just about what Onassis paid for Jackie.
For that, shit, you could buy every friggen woman in Thailand and bring them to Florida. You could by Thailand for that.
It's all great fun, right up to the place where you get caught, been there, done that one.

Rule #1, never admit to nuttin. You were kidnapped by aliens and they just dropped you off on your door step at 4am, make sometin up, then stick to your story. It's not your fault. Then, book it out of town, or the country. Time, cools a lot of passion. Out of sight, out of mind. You were in a auto accident, bumped yo head, don't remember nuttin?

The highway patrol is talking to me and I would be saying, I don't no nuttin, hit my head on da dash board, have amnesia, what did you say, my name was? Talk to my lawyer, Louie Da Lip.

End of story.

Everybody needs somebody to love. Some need 3 or 4 like Tiger.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=HCTJeT2i9QU

If you get shoved into a corner, or even have a M-16 shoved in your face, here is how Jake handles the situation. Tell da bimbo, what she wants to here.

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=hExIwSgD8Tc

[FASTLARRY]

* Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
* Tiger's other women aren't misstresses. They're provisionals.
* Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.

And jokes about Tiger's car crash started surfacing within minutes of the initial reports of the accident, including these:

* Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
* What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
* Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
* Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods told gossip reporters today, " White People make me sick ! I know all you White folk would love to see me broke, driving a Pinto, and living in the Projects with a Colored gal . "

when asked how the recent car accident/beat down had affected his playing ability, tiger said, "well, my long game is still pretty good. i just need to focus on getting my putz down."

anchor Seth Meyers peppered Woods with one-liners: “Last Friday, Tiger Woods hit a tree and a bunch of ladies fell out,” he said.

Tiger has a new sponsor:

Motel 6 !!



Meyers noted that Woods and his wife were in negotiations over their prenuptial agreement, and “what’s really weird is he presented her with one of those huge, oversized checks.”

Woods’ sponsors are sticking with him, Meyers said, “a gesture that only means one thing — women don’t watch golf.”

Tiger Woods first name has been changed...It's no longer "TIGER" it's now "Cheetah" as in Cheater. ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO

i heard it took tiger woods six strokes to get out of a bush.

Did you hear Tiger went Christmas Caroling? He sang "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth"



Tiger Woods, the best Swinger in the world. Just Do It!


I guess when ever you hear Tiger shot a 69 you now have to ask was it on a golf course or in the bedroom!!!!BOOM BOOM

My pesonal fave gag is - "Tiger's never been able to control his wood..."

"Got wood? Just do it."

1st golfer: "Is it true Tiger Woods is playing around?"

2nd golfer: "Yes, he's doing 18 holes"

Tiger got caught puttin one in the wrong hole


After the divorce, tiger will only be worth 500 million


Advice for Tiger:

It helps your game to keep your balls clean

It helps your game to keep your nine iron out of the bushes


I thought people were usually happy when he got a hole in one

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[FASTLARRY]

FASTLARRY, on Dec 6 2009, 04:49 PM, said:

* Did you hear Tiger changed his name to Cheetah?
* Tiger's other women aren't misstresses. They're provisionals.
* Did you hear Nike's new motto? Just do me.

And jokes about Tiger's car crash started surfacing within minutes of the initial reports of the accident, including these:

* Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn't decide between a wood and an iron.
* What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
* Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
* Tiger has a new movie coming out. It's called Crouching Tiger, Hidden Hydrant.

Tiger Woods told gossip reporters today, " White People make me sick ! I know all you White folk would love to see me broke, driving a Pinto, and living in the Projects with a Colored gal . "

when asked how the recent car accident/beat down had affected his playing ability, tiger said, "well, my long game is still pretty good. i just need to focus on getting my putz down."

anchor Seth Meyers peppered Woods with one-liners: “Last Friday, Tiger Woods hit a tree and a bunch of ladies fell out,” he said.

Tiger has a new sponsor:

Motel 6 !!



Meyers noted that Woods and his wife were in negotiations over their prenuptial agreement, and “what’s really weird is he presented her with one of those huge, oversized checks.”

Woods’ sponsors are sticking with him, Meyers said, “a gesture that only means one thing — women don’t watch golf.”

Tiger Woods first name has been changed...It's no longer "TIGER" it's now "Cheetah" as in Cheater. ROFLMAOOOOOOOOO

i heard it took tiger woods six strokes to get out of a bush.

Did you hear Tiger went Christmas Caroling? He sang "All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth"



Tiger Woods, the best Swinger in the world. Just Do It!


I guess when ever you hear Tiger shot a 69 you now have to ask was it on a golf course or in the bedroom!!!!BOOM BOOM

My pesonal fave gag is - "Tiger's never been able to control his wood..."

"Got wood? Just do it."

1st golfer: "Is it true Tiger Woods is playing around?"

2nd golfer: "Yes, he's doing 18 holes"

Tiger got caught puttin one in the wrong hole


After the divorce, tiger will only be worth 500 million


Advice for Tiger:

It helps your game to keep your balls clean

It helps your game to keep your nine iron out of the bushes


I thought people were usually happy when he got a hole in one

[FASTLARRY]

So what would I do, if I was out at 2:30am, maybe drunk, stoned, who knows what, and I ran over a fire hydrant and into a tree busting up my car so I can't make a get away?

Call 911 and Wait for the police to arrive, so they can give me a DUI which will cost me thousands?

If you can walk, take the keys, get away from the scene if there are no witnesses, no one else has been involved or injured. If you see any car coming, hide. You do not want to talk to no cops, until you are dead ass sober as a judge and that will be tomorrow afternoon at least. Do not use your cell phone. Find a pay phone, call home for help, to your land based phone. Have somebody come pick you up and put you in a motel, check in as John Smith and pay cash, or walk to one. Then have somebody, call the police and report your car as being stolen. If they want to talk to you, they are told, you are out of town. The next day you can then put together your cover story, you took a cab to a bar, picked up a lady, went to the motel, woke up the next day, took a cab home and found out your car had been stolen.

They might not fully buy into it, but it will be hard to press you with a DUI, with no evidence. You get a good story down, then stick to it. You tell them, you think you left your keys in the car by accident, because you can't find them in the house. Some teen age hoodlums must have gone for a joy ride in it. Things will go easier for you with the insurance company too.

I try to be an honest guy in my life and always tell the truth, but I have found, now and then with flatfoot cops and broads, the only solution is to lie like a dog to them.

[FASTLARRY]

Ten things over heard on the golf course, and also in Cheetas motel room through the thin wall.

1. Look at the size of yo putter. Damn son, let that big dawg hunt.
2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.
3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.
4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.
5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.
6. Lift your head and spread your legs.
7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.
8. Just turn your back and drop it.
9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.
10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

[FASTLARRY]

When you sleep with a bunch of gold diggin ho's and pros, don't be surprised when they give you up and cash in on you. And the question some are asking is, how come he is too good to sleep with black women? Where is an Asian? Only blond white women? They tried to buy them off cheap, but the tabloids paid more, and that is how it broke wide open. Toss money out there, and those ho's begin singing like canaries.

[FASTLARRY]

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem
Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse.
She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry.
He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman stepped up and confessed.
He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news.
With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden .
And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid."
She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

[FASTLARRY]

Although there still remains speculation on how Tiger got his lips cut up the other night....some suggested that Nike said, lets make a bad situation into a good one and play it like it lies. Show us your new Nike logo Tiger, smile.....................

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[FASTLARRY]

Well our boy Tiger got through the Masters Ok, did real well there, and then melts down at Quail Hollow, 5-10. Shoots 79, 4 putts, misses the cut. I never thought I would see the day I could give him 2 a side and rob him blind. I played Miller when he melted down and beat him by 9 strokes. He never came back or out of it. I saw Strange, Lyle, Duval, Seve all go into melt downs and never came out of them. You had to keep your mouth shut at the Masters because they would cancel your badge for life. But at a regular event, you buy a day ticket, you are at the 15th, you are going to leave anyway, and don't plan to come back, you can go off on him, so what, they toss you out the gate, that is where you wanted to go anyway. Several did just that. Nobody really said anything bad, like calling him a knee-gar or a cheeta.

One just said, you wont be wearing your red shirt on sunday, and they collar the guy. BS, hell they used to yell at Nicklaus on his backswing, miss it fat jack. Because he was kicking Ap's butt. They would step on Charlie Siffords ball if he hit it off the fairway and grind it down into the dirt as a fried egg. They did not want to see a black man do well.

This is going to be a real tough one for him to work through, from being universally liked and admired, to now being viewed as a giant pos by most. Time cures most of these problems. All he has to do is just keep patting little kids on the head and then win, and then win a major, and he's back. Will he become another Duval or Miller, Ralph Guldahl, I don't think so, he has too much talent for that to happen. I think he will be back to win, and I think he will win a few more majors, but he will never be now, what he was, it will now become his decline. He may not break Nicklaus majors records now. I have gone on record saying, he's won his last and final Masters.

Only time will tell, if I am right, or if I am wrong.

http://en.wikipedia....i/Ralph_Guldahl

http://www.youtube.c...h?v=2SKIIqLc2rk

[FASTLARRY]

There are a lot of people hu, including me, think he faked the neck injury, just to pull out and wimp off the course because he was playing bad. If this is true, this shows how deep his head is fooked up.

Part of his problem is, when he came out on 2000 on a tear, he was outdriving most of the field by 30 yards, hitting 15% more greens, and out putting everyone. It caught everyone by shock, and it took them years to catch up, and now most, with the help of club advancements, hit it even with him, now several farther, and his putting has cooled off, as it usually does, it seems most big stars only have a few years at the top and then that extra magic, goes away, which has happened to him. He no longer has that domanance he once had, he is just one of the top 15 in the pack, and mentally, he does not seem to be able to cope with this. Losing the number one ranking, will totally butt fook his head, as if his head is not already triple fooked. This guy needs a shrink and a head coach, not a swing coach.

Lefty becomes number 1 and Tiger continues to melt down. Could not happen, to a nicer guy. Bye Bye, cheeta.....................

[FASTLARRY]

And the real shocking news is right after the withdrawal, Hank Haney Tigers swing coach quit, dumped him.

First, no way, no how, any coach dumps a top ranked player, it has never ever happened. You ride that bad boy into the dirt till he's 80. He's a gold mine you never unload.

The player always dumps the coach, gets tired of hearing him yap the same old shit he's heard over and over for the last 6 years, a new guy comes on the scene and he wants to jump to the next fresh flower. When Curtis Strange after winning 2 opens in a row, dumped ballard for the new Ledbetter, his game was destroyed by him.

Tigers efforts to make people like him are going no where, and this withdrawal makes it worse. makes him look like a loser quitter he is right now.

When your game tanks, you can't blame it on you, and your fooked up head, you have to blame it on your coach, and fire his ass and get a new one. Actually changing putters, drivers, or a coach, works, for a while, changing anything when in a slump, works. It frees you from the rut you were stuck in. Makes you see things, from a different point of view.

Firing his coach would make Tiger look like the true ass hole he really is, so he makes Hank the deal, he gets to fire Tiger, walk off with respect and no damage and poor tiger is left holding the bag by the greedy unfaithful coach. Any Hu, that's how I read it. Doing it this way, neither of them, suffers any real Pr damage.

As I see it, tiger is tanking and going down faster than the fookin Titanic. I'll give that porch money 2 a side if he comes to Atl. Right now, he cant beat his meat.

http://youbeenblinded.com/hank-haney-resig...h-position/6891