[FASTLARRY]

Competition can be fun, just make a good first impression.

We have all seen far too many great pool players like Mosconi, Sigel and Stricklin who came off rude, arrogant and some even hostile. Nobody will enjoy playing with such a person. So no matter how good you get, always act friendly and humble. I have played on the world 9 ball tour for years and never had a single argument or incident. I meet the opponent, look him in the eye, give him a warm strong handshake and tell him, let’s have a nice, friendly match, and both enjoy playing it, and let the best man win. I talk to him as much as possible before we begin. I smile at him and try to project a warm friendliness towards him.

I try and find out where is he from, usually compliment his cue or something about his game.
If a dispute arises, I try and be non confrontational about it and I discuss it calmly. If he becomes angry or belligerent, I do not go into a fight with him, I just call in the ref and explain my side to him alone, away from the opponent, and then ask him to go talk to the other guy and settle it for us.

When you get down on the 2nd tier, the semi pro regional tours, you run into all manner of roadies, hustlers and bottom feeders. Many are not nice, nor are they going to be. You are best advised, when dealt with some real POS to play with, make the best of it, and avoid as much contact as possible. The first time he goes off on you, go get the Ref and ask for help. Once they know they are being watched, they normally clean up their act.

It even gets worse when you begin gambling with people for real money. Some mess with you, verbally attack you just to throw your game off. This is a world of low life criminals and if you begin running with this trash, expect to have to really bad experiences.

On the pro tour everyone dresses real nice. On the regional tours, some of these bums look like they were dragged out of a ditch, or the drunk tank. You should always dress nice, have on new pressed slacks, Black leather shoes, or black tennis shoes, black socks, a sharp golf shirt, neat freshly cut hair, clean your fingernails and take a bath and put on deodorant. If you want to be important, be a winner, and then dress like one now.

If you show up with worn out white tennis shoes, white tube socks, jeans with holes in the legs, a T shirt that says Harley, so it can show off your numerous tattoos like born to lose and your arm pit hair, your hat says Cat and is turned backwards, the only ones who will respect you, will be the other bums who dress just like you. Looking like a bottom feeder is never the smart thing to do in public. Avoid the temptation to dress down to this trash, set a standard and let them dress up to meet you.

We have all heard this warning: "You never get a second chance to make a good first impression." Also, psychologists, writers, and seminar leaders caution that we only have from seven to seventeen seconds of interacting with strangers before they form an opinion of us. Those first initial seconds are critical and you have to work fast. Begin with a big friendly smile. Looking nice and being dressed sharp gets you rolling and avoids any fast turn off.
With this widely acknowledged pressure to "make our case" instantly, here are my seven tips for making your first impression strongly positive.

The greatest way to make a positive first impression is to demonstrate immediately that the other person, not you, is the center of action and conversation. Illustrate that the spotlight is on you only, and you'll miss opportunities for friendships, jobs, love relationships, networking, and sales. Show that you are other-centered, and first-time acquaintances will be eager to see you again. Ask them questions about what they do and compliment anything you see that deserves it.
Recently I attended a conference. At lunch, my wife and I sat with several people we didn't know. While most of our table mates made good impressions, one man emerged as the person we'd be sure to avoid all weekend. He talked about himself, nonstop. Only rarely did anyone else get a chance to speak. Unfortunately, he probably thought he was captivating us with his life story.
I applaud this definition of a bore: "Somebody who talks about himself so much that you don't get to talk about yourself."
Closely relate to the other person. You'll make a superb initial impression when you demonstrate good listening skills. Give positive verbal cues: "Hmmm... interesting!" "Tell me more, please." "What did you do next?" Just as actors benefit from prompts, your conversational partner will welcome your assistance in keeping the exchange going. You can keep somebody talking by using simple words as why, How come, really, what a great story?

Non verbally, you show you're a skilled listener by maintaining steady eye contact. Remember how you respond to the social gadabout who appears to be looking over your shoulder for the next person he wants to corner. Remember, and avoid that habit.
Use the name of a new acquaintance frequently. "Judy, I like that suggestion." "Your vacation must have been exciting, Fred." You show that you have paid attention from the start, catching the name during the introduction. Equally as important, you'll make conversations more personal by including the listener's name several times.

Be careful with humor. Although a quip or two might serve as an icebreaker, stay away from sarcastic remarks that could backfire. Because you don't know a stranger's sensitivities, prolonged joking might establish barriers you can't overcome, either now or later. Do not enter into discussion on religion or politics, and if the other person insists, just agree with everything they say. Try and change the subject ASAP.

Give up the need to be right." Confrontations with somebody you've just met will destroy rapport before you even start building it. Wait until you have established credibility before you challenge another's statements. If he is saying something dead wrong, just let it pass, do not jump in and correct him. Once you get to know the person and are on a friendly basis, they you can tactfully try to correct him and teach him what was right.
Appearance counts. Show up at events and competitions dressed like a bum, expect people to treat you like one.
True, standards for appropriate attire have changed drastically. Maybe the best advice I can share came from a participant in a seminar I conducted. She said, "I don't dress for the job I have now, I dress for the job I want to have." You want to be a future champion. Dress like one now. You dress up for a Job, for Church, you need to dress up also for any important pool competition. You don’t have to walk in penguin, just dress like Tiger Woods plays golf on Sunday on TV.

As a communication specialist, I have to point out that an individual's speaking style impacts the first impression, maybe more than we wish. Listeners judge our intelligence, our cultural level, our education, even our leadership ability by the words we select--and by how we say them.
Think of Professor Henry Higgins of "My Fair Lady," who changed a "guttersnipe" into a lady by teaching her to speak skillfully. While none of us occupies the lowly level of Eliza Doolittle, we can keep her example in mind. Rather than mumble, speak so you're easily heard. Enunciate clearly. Alter your pitch, to avoid the dullness of a monotone. Display animation in both voice and facial expression. Gesture naturally, without "canning" your movements. Speak in short sentences. Never interrupt the other person. Never use vulgarity or speak Gangsta, even if others are doing so to you.

Keep these seven tips in mind. They will reduce your fear of business and social encounters with unfamiliar faces. More positively, you'll start enjoying poise and success that you thought were beyond your reach. Just always be nice, to everyone you meet, smile at everyone you run into, and watch what a wonderful difference this makes in people. And the jerk that does not react back to this, well that’s his problem, and not your problem. You can’t make everyone happy, so take what you can get back and run with that.

Great wisdom from a great man. Life is not all about winning.

It Don't Cost Nuthin' to be Nice
At a Touchdown Club meeting many years before his death, Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant told the following story:
I had just been named the new head coach at Alabama and was off in my old car down in South Alabama recruiting a prospect who was supposed to have been a pretty good player and I was havin' trouble finding the place. Getting hungry I spied an old cinder block building with a small sign out front that simply said "Restaurant."

I pull up, go in and every head in the place turns to stare at me. Seems I'm the only white fella in the place. But the food smelled good so I skip a table and go up to a cement bar and sit. A big ole man in a tee shirt and cap comes over and says, What do you need? I told him I needed lunch and what did they have today? He says, You probably won't like it here, today we're having chitlins, collared greens and black eyed peas with cornbread. I'll bet you don't even know what chitlins (small intestines of hogs prepared as food in the deep South) are, do you? I looked him square in the eye and said, "I'm from Arkansas , I've probably eaten a mile of them. Sounds like I'm in the right place. They all smiled as he left to serve me up a big plate. When he comes back he says,
You ain't from around here then?
I explain I'm the new football coach up in Tuscaloosa at the University and I'm here to find whatever that boy's name was and he says, yeah I've heard of him, he's supposed to be pretty good. And he gives me directions to the school so I can meet him and his coach.
As I'm paying up to leave, I remember my manners and leave a tip, not too big to be flashy, but a good one and he told me lunch was on him, but I told him for a lunch that good, I felt I should pay.
The big man asked me if I had a photograph or something he could hang up to show I'd been there. I was so new that I didn't have any yet. It really wasn't that big a thing back then to be asked for, but I took a napkin and wrote his name and address on it and told him I'd get him one.
I met the kid I was looking for later that afternoon and I don't remember his name, but do remember I didn't think much of him when I met him. I had wasted a day, or so I thought.
When I got back to Tuscaloosa late that night, I took that napkin from my shirt pocket and put it under my keys so I wouldn't forget it. Back then I was excited that anybody would want a picture of me. The next day we found a picture and I wrote on it, Thanks for the best lunch I've ever had.
Now let's go a whole buncha years down the road. Now we have black players at Alabama and I'm back down in that part of the country scouting an offensive lineman we sure needed. Y'all remember, and I forget the name, but it's not important to the story, well anyway, he's got two friends going to Auburn and he tells me he's got his heart set on Auburn too, so I leave empty handed and go on see some others while I'm down there.

Two days later, I'm in my office in Tuscaloosa and the phone rings and it's this kid who just turned me down, and he says, Coach, do you still want me at Alabama ? And I said, "Yes I sure do. And he says OK, he'll come. And I say, Well son, what changed your mind? And he said, When my grandpa found out that I had a chance to play for you and said no, he pitched a fit and told me I wasn't going nowhere but Alabama, and wasn't playing for nobody but you. He thinks a lot of you and has ever since y'all met."

Well, I didn't know his granddad from Adam's housecat so I asked him who his granddaddy was and he said, "You probably don't remember him, but you ate in his restaurant your first year at Alabama and you sent him a picture that he's had hung in that place ever since. That picture's his pride and joy and he still tells everybody about the day that Bear Bryant came in and had chitlins with him.
My grandpa said that when you left there, he never expected you to remember him or to send him that picture, but you kept your word to him and to Grandpa, that's everything. He said you could teach me more than football and I had to play for a man like you, so I guess I'm going to.
I was floored. But I learned that the lessons my mama taught me were always right. It don't cost nuthin' to be nice. It don't cost nuthin' to do the right thing most of the time, and it costs a lot to lose your good name by breaking your word to someone.
When I went back to sign that boy, I looked up his Grandpa and he's still running that place, but it looks a lot better now; and he didn't have chitlins that day, but he had some ribs that woulda made Dreamland proud and I made sure I posed for a lot of pictures; and don't think I didn't leave some new ones for him, too, along with a signed football.
I made it clear to all my assistants to keep this story and these lessons in mind when they're out on the road. If you remember anything else from me, remember this. It really doesn't cost anything to be nice, and the rewards can be unimaginable.
Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant
*Editor's Note: Coach Bryant was in the presence of these few gentlemen for only minutes, and he defined himself for life. Regardless of our profession, we do define ourselves by how we treat others, and how we behave in the presence of others, and most of the time, we have only minutes or seconds to leave a lasting impression. We can be rude, crude, arrogant, cantankerous, or we can be nice. Nice is always a better choice. I like what Stephen Grellet, French/American religious leader (1773-1855) said, "I expect to pass through the world but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show to any creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer it, for I shall not pass this way again/*