[FASTLARRY]

Now ya can't pump gas without blowing the joint up, what the fook? What can we do now, nuttin, we can't drink, we die, we eat, we get fat and have a heart attack, we fook, we get aids and die, everything we do now, we die.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And I am going, so what, we all are gonna die, what, you think you are gonna live forever. Die happy dude, don't die old and lonely. Leave a good lookin corpse behind with a big smile on it they can't get off.


For 30 years I was pumping gas with a lsmft hanging off my lip, bogey style. Yo, I realize now, that wuz not 2 smart. But I never blew up? Nor did I ever see anyone blow up a gas station, nor did I ever read about it, and hear about it, so I assumed, this never happened and I could therefore finish my smoke, which I usually put out, right under the pump. Let me see, everyone back them smoked, people were pumping gas while smoking since 1909, and in 90 years, nobody blew up.

I quit smoking, and I agree, don't smoke and pump gas. It's not worth the risk.

Now I realize how explosive gas is, when it goes off, even 4 ozs, geeze lousie its like a bomb, ka boom, whoose. I have a fire pit in the back yard, and I burn a lot of yard waste, leaves, limbs, which are hard to get started and I toss a little gas on it, then toss a kitchen wood match from a safe distance. Damn, what a rush. I realize charcoal lighter fuel is safer, more gentle, but the gas, damn, its a kick. When I do that, set off that fire ball, yo sarah goes nuts.

When I was an 4 palm Eagle scout camping out, I would show all those tenderfoots how to start a fire with sticks like some cave man, then I would go back to my tent, toss the gas on, toss a match, and put the hot dogs on the fire. Then pop open a coors and light up a lucky strike. I was not exactly the poster boy eagle scout, but I was one.

But my fire pit has 5' tall walls, so nothing is getting away. I could bar b Q a horse on that big boy. I made it for the end days, so after 2012, we can begin cooking and eating the neighbors when we run out of the dogs and cats, rats and birds.

And when its cold, I put the pump in, set the lever, get in the car with the motor and engine and heater running, and when I see it hit full, I get out, turn it off and go pay, and not freeze my balls off. I never blew up a single gas station? What, its 10 degrees out there and I am going to stand out there and pump and freeze, fook if, it the place blows up, let the insurance pay for it all.

The fireball will probably blow me clear, then I can sue Chevron and Chevas for 9 million and retire to palm beach, ha ha ha, the hair will grow back in 3 months. Who needs eyebrows. I can buy a toupee. Wont need to wax my chest any more.

Some oil lawyer wrote this shit, hoping to reduce their exposure, in case, one does blow up?

I can't recall how many phone calls I have had, while pumping gas, and never blew my self up. And talking on the phone is going to give me brain cancer. Ya ya ya........I am pumping gas, the fookin phone rings, I now think, I cant answer the call or I will become a fireball like some Vietnam monk in Vietnam, oh no. Hello, Fast Larry, what can I do for you, today..............................

Maybe if you come in for gas, see me there, you might want to go to another place. I am a fairly dangerous person. I am not politically correct, and I do not except the governments constant brainwashing an directions to rule my life.

I remember a time, when you pulled up and did not have to prepay, people trusted you back then, 1 or 2 guys came running out in neat uniforms with caps, washed your windshield, you would say, you missed a bug, they would say, sorry sir, and get it off, they checked the air in all 4 tires, your oil, fluids, water in the radiator, pumped your gas, you paid the 25 cents per gallon cash and you were out of there faster than a nascar out of the pit area.

They called you mister and smiled giving you service. A McDonalds burger was 15 cents. You could go into a 5 and dime store, and everything in there, was 5 and ten cents. You saw a penny on the deck, you picked it up.

Now I do it all, get this smelly shit all over my hands and walk into the store, where the Arab called Mohammedan is inside a bullet proof window, who does not speak 9 fuckin words of English, and does not know shit, and is rude, never smiles, can't give you any directions, if he does, he fakes it and lies and sends you in the wrong direction on fookin purpose, probably later laughs at your dumb infidel ass, and the government brought his ass over and gave him the loan to get into this business while born here whites are out of a job and hurting, and this pos takes my money which a chunk of it goes back to El Quida to kill our boys in Iraq. Do I give you a fair report on this bull shit or what? Can I have a amend on fook those sand knee gars in those gas stations or what.

A couple of times when I was having a bad hair day, the diper head gave me a hard time, and I gave ahab the finger walking out and said, Jihad that you rag head MF. A couple came out of their cages and ran out after me, and I said, make my day, go for it. They are all pussies, cowards. They turn and whip their tail on the belly and go back into their cages. The puny little fooks.

The buying of gas was once a fun experience, so was flying, and now, both suck royal dick.

Where have we all gone wrong. Where did my world go. Everybody is telling me, I can't do this, I can't do that. Fook it, if I blow, I blow, what a way to go, it would be painless. At least I will go out on the 6:00 news.

Has any one, ran this by snopes?

Or have I just been lucky?

Think, when was the last time, you saw a pump blow up, or read about one in the paper. Never? Where does all this crazy shit come from?

What, I should now go out side with out wearing My WWII SS Kraut helmet because a fookin meteorite could come in from outer space and hit me on the head. Yes it has happened, just as I am sure, somewhere a pump went off, so what are my odds of me getting drilled by either one? About equal is guessing the power ball number on the 200 million drawing? About the same and me bedding Kim Basinger? Look, I keep my Kraut helmet in my office in case the sky is falling and a rubber in my billfold, just in case I do bump into Kim, who used to live close by me and does come back home. If a meteor shower comes in I will put the helmet on, If I bump into Kim, and end up in the motel 6 with her, I will cover Willie with his helmet.

The world is going mad, and I am surrounded by idiots and nitcompoops, 75% of this country I am convinced are total morons. And 100% of congress.
And we have a moolie in the white house, and Teddy Roosevelt is rolling over in his grave.

Sorry for the rant, I just can't take all of this shit, any more. Somebody come drag me off to the rubber room.


Subject: Cause of Explosions while refueling

>> Shell Oil Comments - A MUST READ!
>>
>> Safety Alert! Here's some reasons why we don't allow cell phones in
>> operating areas, propylene oxide handling and storage area, propane, gas
>> and diesel refueling areas.
>>
>> The Shell Oil Company recently issued a warning after three incidents in
>> which mobile phones (ce ll phones) ignited fumes during fueling
>> operations
>>
>> In the first case, the phone was placed on the car's trunk lid during
>> fueling; it rang and the ensuing fire destroyed the car and the gasoline
>> pump.
>>
>> In the second, an individual suffered severe burns to their face when
>> fumes ignited as they answered a call while refueling their car!
>>
>>
>> And in the third, an individual suffered burns to the thigh and groin as
>> fumes ignited when the phone, which was in their pocket, rang while they
>> were fueling their car.
>>
>>
>> You should know that: Mobile Phones can ignite fuel or fumes
>>
>> Mobile phones that light up when switched on or when they ring release
>> enough energy to provide a spark for ignition
>> Mobile phones should not be used in filling stations , or when fueling
>> lawn mowers, boat, Etc.
>>
>>
>> Mobile phones should not be used, or should be turned off, around other
>> materials that generate flammable or explosive fumes or dust, (I.e.,
>> solvents, chemicals, gases, grain dust, etc.)
>>
>> TO sum it up, here are the Four Rules for Safe Refueling:
>>
>>
>> 1) Turn off engine
>> 2) Don't smoke
>> 3) Don't use your cell phone - leave it inside the vehicle or turn it off
>> 4) Don't re-enter your vehicle during fueling.
>>
>> Bob Renkes of Petroleum Equipment Institute is working on a campaign to
>> try and make people aware of fires as a result of ' static electricity '
>> at gas pumps. His company has researched 150 cases of these fires.
>>
>> His results were very surprising:
>> 1) Out of 150 cases, almost all of them were women.
>> 2) Almost all cases involved the person getting back in their vehicle
>> while the nozzle was still pumping gas. When finished, they went back to
>> pull the nozzle out and the fire started, as a result of static.
>> 3) Most had on rubber-soled shoes.
>> 4) Most men never get back in their vehicle until completely finished.
>> This is why they are seldom involved in these types of fires.
>> 5) Don't ever use cell phones when pumping gas
>> 6) It is the vapors that come out of the gas that cause the fire, when
>> connected with static charges.
>> 7) There were 29 fires where the vehicle was re-entered and the nozzle
>> was touched during refueling from a variety of makes and models. Some
>> resulted in extensive damage to the vehicle, to the station, and to the
>> customer.
>> 8) Seventeen fires occurred before, during or immediately after the gas
>> cap was removed and before fueling began.
>> Mr. Renkes stresses to NEVER get back into your vehicle while filling it
>> with gas.
>>
>> If you absolutely HAVE to get in your vehicle while the gas is pumping,
>> make sure you get out, close the door TOUCHING THE METAL, before you ever
>> pull the nozzle out. This way the static from your body
>> will be discharged before you ever remove the nozzle .
>>
>> As I mentioned earlier, The Petroleum Equipment Institute, along with
>> several other companies now, is really trying to make the public aware of
>> this danger.
>>
>> I ask you to please send this information to ALL your family and friends,
>> especially those who have kids in the car with them while pumping gas. If
>> this were to happen to them, they may not be able to get the children out
>> in time. Thanks for passing this along.