Posted 22 July 2009 - 10:22 AM
Okie Dokie, I don't want you newbies on here to think I am bashin Japs, I bash everyone, nobody escapes. I am half Irish, how about I bash me own self laddie. I am also half German. I bash smucks and Monks, Jews, queers, frogs, limeys, Polocks, rag heads, if I missed you, let me know, I can include you on my next bash. Being politically correct, what's that? What if I offend you, Ok, go celebrate Ben Franklin day, go fly a kite. Since you can't do anything about it, or stop me from doing this, you have 2 choices, take a hike, or kick back and laugh along. We have lost our ability to laugh at and with each other.
An example is the movie Blazzin saddles, not a single black was offended when it came out, not a single complaint, because they thought it was funny and they enjoyed it more than the honkies. Put that movie out today, and holy shit, you would have WWIII on your hands. They run that movie now on TV and blurp and edit out all the offensive words, and Mel Brooks says, they ruined it so totally he can no longer even watch it. The so called offensive words was what made it funny. So here we go, here's your chance to run and hide and not view any of this?
Why did God invent Whiskey?
So the Irish could not rule the world.
2 Irish men walk out of a bar.......
Come one, it's possible it could happen one day.
Where does a good Irish family go on vacation. To a new bar.
Hitler’s favorite joke: My German Shepherd Max, has no nose
"How does it smell?"
"Awful!"
How do you tell the difference from the German Shepherd and the Polish Shepherd. Ya vo, the German dog has a round head in front. The polish dog has a flat head from chasing parked cars.
Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.
Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?
A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought they were leaving.
Q: Have you heard about the new German microwave ?
A: It's got ten seats inside.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Gestapo
Gestapo who?
Ve Vill ask ze Questions! Von wrong answer dumkolf and you vill be riding in the ash tray of my staff car.
There were three American pilots captured by Germans in WWII. The Germans thought up a way to make the pilots crack and tell what they knew. They made them stand at attention, turn their heads from side to side and say, "Tick - Tock" over and over.
After about three hours, the first pilot cracked and started telling all he knew, signing everything they put in front of him.
An hour later, the second pilot cracked and started confessing to things that he didn't even do.
The third pilot was fighting hard not to crack. He was about half-way cracked. He was turning his head to one side only and saying, "Tick...Tick...Tick..."
The German officer in charge went up to him and said, "You thinks you iss so schmart! But I'm telling you dot vee haf vays to make you TOCK!"
An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, "Englander, your arm is infected with gangrene we must cut it off."
The English prisoner said, "Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing."
The German replied, "Ya, that vill not be a problem."
A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, "Well, could drop it over England like you did last time."
"Ya, that will be done," says the German.
The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, "Well, could you do the same as before."
The German replies, " ya."
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. "Well," begins the Brit, "could you just..."
The German snapped, Nine, "No! Dos es now Verboten. Vee know what vu are up to. We think you are trying to escape!."
1) Three women - a German, a Jew and a polock - all gave birth to seven pound baby boys at the same time. The nurses got the babies mixed up somehow and couldn’t tell which baby belonged to which mother.
After an hour of mass confusion the father of the German baby decided he would settle the problem. He walked into the nursery and lined up the three infants in a row. He then clicked his heels, raised his arm in a salute and shouted, “Heil Hitler!”
The German baby snapped to attention, the Jewish baby shit it’s pants and the polish baby played in it!
2) Why did Hitler kill himself?
The Jews sent him the gas bill!
3) Did you hear about the queer German?
Ate Off Hitler!
4) What sweet did Hitler hate more than any other?
Jew Jew Beans……But I heard he enjoyed them roasted!
(5) What was Adolf’s favourite song?
“If I knew you were coming I’d have baked a kike!”
A couple of New Joyzee hunters are out in the woods when Vennie falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Vito whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" Youse guys gotta help. The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, he’s capped, so now what?"
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery in Brooklyn. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
Q: What's the definition of a queer Jew?
A: Someone that likes girls more than money.
"Fast Larry" GuningerThe Power Source Traveling Pool School. To see my web page come alive click here: www.fastlarrypool.com 
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