[FASTLARRY]

Just about any motel will give you 10% off when you ask for it, by saying whats your AAA or AARP discount. Few ask to see your card. Nobody should travel without a AAA membership, that $100 a year you spend, you get back on free maps, and a couple of flat tire or battery jump offs.
The BCA set up a discount rate with Enterprise rent a car, don't know how long this will be in effect, but in Vegas, I got $12 a day off their normal rate. Ask for BCA rate NA5433
Say you are a member.

Here are some from viking.


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Make sure to use these when traveling to any tournament or event.


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or use CP Code 543721 when making telephone or walk-in reservations


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[FASTLARRY]

Airlines, every time I fly, I hate them more, when I used to love to fly once before they fooked it all up beyond repair. They took a beautiful thing and ruined it. But to fly from the east coast to Vegas or LA it is cheaper to fly than drive by 50% less at least. Plus, you are out there in 4 hours instead of 4 days of back breaking boring drives. My basic rule now is anything within 500 to 600 miles, I drive. Out of that circle I fly.

Most of my flying experience was first class and that was where you really got pampered. This was one of my perks of being a sales manager for fortune ten companies which was I never had to be back in the cattle car. Actually the cattle car was not too bad back in the 60-70-‘s and early 80’s. They fed you, you just did not get the 2 free drinks they gave you in first. Most of the flights were half booked and you had plenty of space to spread out and work. It was all businessmen and this greyhound bus crowd had not arrived yet. Now being on my own money and having to travel in the cattle car I find it all frightening. Disgusting.

If you plan far enough ahead your rates will be lower and you will be able to choose decent arrival and departure times. I like to avoid when the businessmen go and come, Monday and Friday. I like to fly out around 11am to noon and return home around 5 to 6pm, and then I don’t have to bust my butt getting up before the chickens and race to the airport. This is really a problem now with this entire security making you arrive 2 hours early. I used to get there 15 or 20 minutes early and run to the gate and make it, OJ style. That one is long gone. Coast to Coast there is a jet lag you must deal with. I generally just rest out at the pool on that afternoon when I arrive and do nothing. I go on their time immediately.

When I return, I hang around the house and rest for a day when I return. I never try to do anything stressful like go right into another show or performance.
Choose your aircraft wisely, the newer models are better and safer than some 30 year old 737, plus some of the older aircraft can’t be hooked up to AC on the ground and you die of the heat waiting to take off.

I wear loose cool clothes to fly and change when I get to my room. Never wear shorts. A silk Hawaiian shirt. I choose long pants with deep pockets so my money won’t fall out. I have on white socks with black moccasins which are soft with rubber soles. When I get to the security line I slip out of them fast and once I clear, I bring out tennis shoes and put them on and lace them up since most of my walking will now be towards the gate. The moccasins go back in the bag and I use them in my room a lot.

If you board late, or get on the back of the line, you have a problem because all of them in front of you will totally fill up the overheads and by the time you get to your seat, no space. It can get divided which is not good, or they may make you check it which is even worse. They usually board by section, first class, then on back with the rear last. I always jump up and pull some con to get on first, I have a disability, they never question that, or I am sick and have to get on board right now and into the head, they are being pushed by a line behind you and won’t argue. So I go on with first class and the gimps, then I have all the time in the world to pack my overhead and settle into my seat. Don’t give me that aint fair BS, up there, fair, civility is long gone, its dog eat dog. Up there, its life a knife fight, there aint no rules. I only care about taking care of me, fook U.

Having a good book, or some portable music is smart. A sleep mask is a must. On a red eye, which I rarely use, a muscle relaxer, flexerol and a lunesta knocks me out cold on top of 3 or 4 scotches. I carry on a pillow that curves around my neck and a thin blanket. Sometimes it gets cold and in a crash a fireball will come down the aisle and a blanket can save your face and arms.
You want to be as close to first class as you can get, I go for the bulkhead and usually have to pull some disability BS on them to get it. You get extra room there, and no ass hole can drop his seat back on you. I had a friend get both legs broke with some 350 lb porker flopped his seat back and it broke and crushed his legs. The problems with the bulkheads are they don’t want to give them out. They save them for the employees and give them to mothers with babies at the last minute. If I pull a screaming baby, I’ll move to the back of the bus, or put in my ear plugs. You also carry a face mask you use to cut grass with, and a surgical mask, and if somebody is sick and coughing, I put both on.


It used to be any savvy flyer sat on the aisles and the bozos were in the window seats. Now the airlines are charging you $40 to check two bags, $75 for an oversized one or one over 50 lbs. That has caused everyone to lug all they can on board packing the overheads tight with way too much weight and luggage. In 6-09, a flight made a hard landing in Tampa blew out some tires, and all the overhead bins came open and that entire luggage came flying out. People have died from head impacts from bags.

On board, always keep your seat belt on but loose. Many stews that are always on their feet, have been severely injured or killed by hitting air pockets and their heads are slammed into the cabin ceiling. In Hawaii a couple of years ago a 737 had the roof fail and the top of the plane came off and all those not buckled in learned how to fly, and to die. The hole was the size of a small bus. On 7-16-09 a Southwest 737 blew a hole in the roof big enough to suck people out. That was caused by them not doing inspections and flying planes that are now literally falling apart. Here is how it works, the premier carriers have the newest safest planes, the cheapo rate carriers buy their old junk and fly them into the ground. They then go into cargo hauls or are sold to South America. They fly them until they crash and burn. A US airlines has each plane over insured which is shared by 25 insurance companies so the risk is spread around. When they crash a plane, they actually make a small profit, so they really don’t care do they? When you fly the cheapo carriers and get on the 30 year old 737’s, your risk of dying or being injured just doubled over being on a brand new Delta 757.

In a real crash, bags will drop on you. If you are now sitting on the aisle, those 40 to 50 lb bags, and my metal luggage carrier is coming down on top of your head, which may injure or kill you. Knowing this, I am on the window seat now where it can’t get to me. If I want out, you have to move and let me out. If the plane crashes, I will crawl over the top of you, or the seat in front of me. I will not wait for you to move.

I have been in 3 airplane crashes, Lear jet, commercial sea plane and a private prop. I know what goes on when a plane crashes and breaks in half. Your arms go flying around uncontrollably which is why they want you to put your head between your legs, grab your ankles and kiss yo ass goodbye. At impact you come up and there go the arms flying around again. When you get into the air, take off all rings and put them in a secure place. I have a two carat diamond ring on my left hand and that is a big rock and it can slice up your face, plus an onyx ring on my right ringed by diamonds. In my last crash the guy in the cockpit next to me did not take off his ring and it sliced a big gash in his cheek in his face. Your two metal cross pens need to be secured out of your pocket during landing, in an emergency, toss them on the floor, they can stab you. In a possible crash, put your pillow over your face; put the blanket over your head so if there is a fireball down the aisle you can escape this first blow up. Never ride over the wings, which is where all the fuel is. Be in the very front, or the very back. Actually the very back has the best shot, but that is a crap shoot as you never know what and how the impact will be.

You can’t bring on water, and that’s the only thing they do give you free. I bring on my own food and booze in the little 1.5 oz bottles. I am so pissed at these ass holes; I won’t spend a dime with them. They are so cheap they now squeak, and I can play that same game. Buy one set of ear phones, keep them, which are legal, and reuse them on future flights when they show movies you plug in for free. I have a zip up small bag, which I take to my seat, which has all my stuff in it.
What they have now is what I call a greyhound bus with wings, and all the people who used to be on the greyhound on the ground, are now up in the air.
They have you packed in like sardines, hell if you drop something on the floor, you can’t bend down and pick it up because the seat in front of you is in your face and almost on your chest. They have figured out how to fill up every flight and you never get a break on am empty seat next to you. No pillow, no blanket, all you get now is a hard time from the old grannies who have bad attitudes and have been up there way to long. The isles are so narrow you can't walk down them with a bag.

Your rights up there are zero. If there are delays, they will hold you on the plane out on the tarmac for 6 to 8 hours, so you can’t get off and use some other way to get there. In short, they no longer care or give a flyin fook about you. Its how many bodies can we pack in this tube and they could care less about your comfort.

They don't give you squat, they now charge you for everything, $7 for a drink of booze, no food, no nuttin unless you fork out moola. Geeze, coast to coast flights used to have a lavish dinner and they went all out. Cloth napkins, metal silver ware, steak dinner, wine, champagne, and the works, especially in first class. Singapore airlines had gourmet meals. And the one that pisses me off the most is $40 to check two bags, so it’s an extra $80 round trip. The stews are ugly grannies pushing 60 with one bald headed fag, what a joke when the stews were young and hot.
Flying sucks royal dick. Excuse my fran say.

[MitchAlsup]

I. like you, used to fly back in the days before airline deregulation (kinda dates me). Here, airplanes were not-very crowded, tollerably food was served (main cabin), beer was $1.00. One could arrive at the airport 5 minutes (literally) before the doors on the plane were closed and make the flight (carry on luggage)! Since I only traveled on business, the cost structure was not very apparent to me.

Although I have over 1 million miles, I have not been on an airplane in 6 years. I am willing to drive 2 days to avoid getting on a plane. Since I live in central Texas, I can make LA in 2 days, and D.C. in 2 days; this gives me 85% of the country without flying. I can arrive with as much luggage as I desire, eat what and where I like, and not have a full body cavity search along the way. All of this with the cruise control set to the speed limit.

What we have done to the fine system we used to have inorder to get 5X as many people flying and 5X the security is literally criminal.

[FASTLARRY]

MitchAlsup, on Jul 16 2009, 06:24 PM, said:

I. like you, used to fly back in the days before airline deregulation (kinda dates me). Here, airplanes were not-very crowded, tollerably food was served (main cabin), beer was $1.00. One could arrive at the airport 5 minutes (literally) before the doors on the plane were closed and make the flight (carry on luggage)! Since I only traveled on business, the cost structure was not very apparent to me.

Although I have over 1 million miles, I have not been on an airplane in 6 years. I am willing to drive 2 days to avoid getting on a plane. Since I live in central Texas, I can make LA in 2 days, and D.C. in 2 days; this gives me 85% of the country without flying. I can arrive with as much luggage as I desire, eat what and where I like, and not have a full body cavity search along the way. All of this with the cruise control set to the speed limit.

What we have done to the fine system we used to have inorder to get 5X as many people flying and 5X the security is literally criminal.

Oh hell la lu ya, another old timer, who remembers when it was civilized and fun, before it became the greyhound bus with wings. Hell I would do an OJ and run up late, they would open the closed door for me, sometimes, the plane was backing away, they would bring it back to the gate. Things were so loose then. 911 butt fooked it all.

The stews are going to court, because at Delta they refuse to make a uniform above a size 18. yo, baby, dem thunder thighs cant get down that narrow isle no mo. Hell I have to almost walk sideways. When I get off a plane today, I have to take a pill to recover from being so pissed off. One of those big pink bombers. Have you heard the latest, they are trying to get it approved so they can now have you standing in the aisles, hanging on a strap, like in a subway, no shit, this is for real. That is where it goes next. How about for half fair, I can sit in the cargo hole? Maybe for 75% off I can share a cage with Fido? Oh don't get me started, there went my blood pressure thru da roof.

When I went out to Vegas, I set the beeper off, and I raised my shirt and said, my suspenders have metal in them, want me to take them off. No, I am trapped and locked in this fookin tube for 5 minutes until they get somebody to take and wand me down, which I swear, he takes 10 minutes doing, and I look at him and said, maybe its in the diper on my head. You say the wrong thing to these ass holes, and they will go nuts on you. They will make sure, you miss your flight. They are all a bunch of fuckin nazis, a bunch of Barney Fifes, with a little power, and a single bullet in their shirt pocket.

Once time we were flying into the UAR, in route to Calcutta, and they took Yo Sarah into a back room and she came out spittin mad, So pissed off she was incensed, but she would never tell me what they did. I guess, they had a little fun, with their hands, on the body search.

Here is what these stews used to look like when I loved to fly and was porkin dem, none of them wore size 18.

opps, that was the mile high club, let me look for one with a uniform on.

You did a mil, dude, that's a lot. I did 3, and the only other guy in pool that did 3 was Mike Massey. I was in the air every day, for 15 years. My territory was the western Hemisphere, bubba is goin, damn, wheres dat at. Its the entire continents of north and south american bubba. What a job, my office is at 35,000', 550 mph, and being pampered by all those lovely babes in first class. They loved me, I loved them.

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[MitchAlsup]

FASTLARRY, on Jul 16 2009, 07:28 PM, said:

You did a mil, dude, that's a lot. I did 3, and the only other guy in pool that did 3 was Mike Massey. I was in the air every day, for 15 years.

I got 85% of my mill in in 2.5 years. I once went Texas-Japan-Texas in 55 hours. 44 hours in the air for a 1 hour meeting.

We used to have a trick comming back from Japan. Company booked Japan->Texas in AA Business. We would swith on the day comming back to JAL->Honnolulu. JAL upgraded this to 1st class, and we get 8 hours on the beech with tony the bar tender; then Hon->Texas AA and arrive back home only 5 hours later than if we flew direct!

[FASTLARRY]

Dude, I was the master of that one. There was no penalties for missing a flight, changing a flight, and once you bought a ticket, you could do damn near do what you wanted to. The company only saw the original ticket, so the trick was to book out first class, back coach. If they asked about the first, you said, that was all that was available. You picked flights back that would be half full, so getting upgraded to first was easy to do on the return, when you grabbed a red coat, flashed him your executive frequent flyer card and member of their business travelers suite you hung out in and the company bought all the memberships so you could work, drinks were free in there of course, so you rarely suffered the cattle car, which like you said, by today's standards is first class delux.

If that failed, I whipped a rose on the stew in first, and asked her to move me up, after we got settled in, if there was space. You always picked the one without a ring, If it was not booked solid, my charm and good looks worked that one about 85% of the time. These ho's from hell working now, would not upgrade their fooking old granny. They are fookin old grannies.

Your ticket say, Atl, SF, Atl, but on the return, I always changed it to lay over the weekend in Vegas or Reno, and I would redeye back in Monday morning arriving at 6am, wiped off the face of the earth. Nobody knew where I was or what I was doing. After a while, the company just gives up on trying to keep up with me, or figure out what I am doing.

I had a high steaks dealer in Reno, I hung with for a decade, greatest pair of legs ever put on a woman, and hooters to match. One of my little perks for bustin my ass running all over the country putting up with shit holes like Cleveland and Cincinnati, Buffalo, most of New Joyzee and anywhere in Arkansas. You could also buy a fly to sf, or lax, do your biz, and buy a extra ticket to Maui, and fly back Monday. I always traveled the entire Caribbean so I could go any where there I wanted to. Then finally my territory became the entire western hemisphere, and I could go where I wanted to, when I wanted to, and I no longer had to play games.

I loved every minute of it, and I thought it would go on forever. Nothing is forever, this is my big lesson in life, everything changes. The only thing certain in life, is change. I would have my 3rd airplane crash, was almost killed, back broken, 2 years to rehab, and my desire to fly, ended in 85, I would rarely fly, after that. I had no problem going back up, but I preferred to drive and be on the ground. Before then, I would be in the air more than a fookin California Condor or the Goodyear blimp.

If I had to fly every day, today, like I used to do, I would rather run a ho house in the fookin Yukon.

[FASTLARRY]

How about cruise ships, I am normally high on them, unless its a Limey ship with food that would gag a maggot. Those tight ass limey's will drive you nuts. I like a good wop ship, they will let you get by with murder, if you tip then well. The food is great and they are fun people to be around. Greeks are cool too. I like fun ships, never been on the QE2, to many old people.

I have about 30 cruises under me belt, and all are in the Caribbean, no where else. I wanted to cruise Hawaii, Alaska, all over Europe, I just ran out of time, but what the hell, 70 countries i got to, I did not do so bad.

I went into one room and went right back out to the purser saying, I saw the closet, where is the fookin room, is this a ship, or my room at Club med? That is my only bitch, the size of the rooms. Get the low price, damn, you can't believe now little they get. Ok, I know the club med pitch, you are there so little, just to sleep, who cares. Ya ba dabba do. Damn, I need some space to move around. And I never ever share a room, with nobody. Yes, I am too cheap to pop for some suite with my private deck, sorry.

click the pic

[FASTLARRY]

How about cruise ships, I am normally high on them, unless its a Limey ship with food that would gag a maggot. Those tight ass limey's will drive you nuts. I like a good wop ship, they will let you get by with murder, if you tip then well. The food is great and they are fun people to be around. Greeks are cool too. I like fun ships, never been on the QE2, to many old people.

I have about 30 cruises under me belt, and all are in the Caribbean, no where else. I wanted to cruise Hawaii, Alaska, all over Europe, I just ran out of time, but what the hell, 70 countries i got to, I did not do so bad.

I went into one room and went right back out to the purser saying, I saw the closet, where is the fookin room, is this a ship, or my room at Club med? That is my only bitch, the size of the rooms. Get the low price, damn, you can't believe now little they get. Ok, I know the club med pitch, you are there so little, just to sleep, who cares. Ya ba dabba do. Damn, I need some space to move around. And I never ever share a room, with nobody. Yes, I am too cheap to pop for some suite with my private deck, sorry.

click the pic

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[GeorgeAllen]

Knowing how to scrounge out a good deal takes practice and experience. Call the airlines direct and you get the worst fare. Call orbitz and you get a much better deal, but they are packing every flight full and you can't move when you get on.