[FASTLARRY]

THE PAR 5 AT SWOPE PARK NUMBER ONE

There were 2 courses at Swope Park, #1, very hilly, very tough to play. #2 was fairly flat, much shorter and easier to play and the beginners went there. #1 had a lot of very good black players. Back then, it was the only course in town they would let them play on. Because it had no underground watering system and no way to water the greens, in the summer they became rock hard. If you hit a couple of them that were in the sun all day, you just bounced off the back. You had to come up short and run up like in Scotland.

They say, if you remember the 60's, you were not there. BS, I was there, and I remember everything.

#4 stayed fairly soft because the big trees behind it protected it from the Sun. It was not a long par 5, just a narrow bitch of a hole with heavy forest on both sides. When I was short the hole played easy because I was not long enough to get into trouble. I would drive it about 230 which had a big wide landing area, then is sloped off down a very steep hill into a very small flat narrow place, then it went uphill very steep again, into a narrow green which was never meant to hold a long iron coming in.
I would hit my 3 wood over the ravine and it would hit the upslope coming in and stop. I would have a ¾ wedge in so I pared the hole a lot and now and then got lucky with a bird. Life was simple and sweet. I could not come close to reaching it in two, so I did not try to. It was in the 60’s and I was a 90’s player, short, no power and had never had an eagle because I could not reach any par 5’s in two.
I drive 230, and pull out my 925 McGregor wood, I have 260 to the green, so I just take my usual smooth swing and figure to leave it 60 short and it explodes off the club head. It took off like a frozen rope rocket. My jaw dropped, and it hit just in front of the green which took the heat off of it, it rolled up and went into the hole for a double eagle. I dropped to my knees in wonder and amazement. I was playing by myself and nobody was there to witness it. When I told the people in the club house what I had done, they went, yeah yeah, knuck knuck knuck.

An albatross, the rarest shot in golf. And, that would be my only one, I would never do it again and I tried for 50 years. Ok, now and then a blind squirrel finds a nut. Hitting my first perfect shot, pro shot, woke me up. I did not hit another one the rest of the round but I knew I had the power and all I had to do was figure out where that shot came from. I still shot in the low 90's that day. It would take me a month to find it. It was all about hitting the ball pure, dead on the sweet spot, and 120 mph club head speed. I learned to use my legs more, and to roll over the hands at impact. This lead to me shooting my first score in the 60’s 4 weeks later. From the 90’s, to the 60’s, without ever shooting in the 80’s or 70’s first. I don’t know anyone who has ever done that.

The story is up top pinned called: A golf story of FAST LARRY GUNINGER

Once I got long then the hole began to eat me up. Where it was always a sure 5, I began taking 6 and 7’s. I would drive it over the hill and get that big kick to run down the slope down into the bottom of the ravine. But that area was so narrow there, the ground was always being washed out, your ball could hit a rock and go anywhere. I would usually be in the woods with no shot. If I had a shot, it would be a 3 or 4 iron, so uphill you could not even see the pin from down in that hole and many times I would hit the green and bounce off the back into the trees, or go OB into the parking lot, which the green was very close to.

Part of my golf education was learning to take what the hole gave you and do not challenge a hole when the risk is too high. I went back to my old way I played the hole but now went off with a 1 iron into the big flat landing area. 1 iron again, leaves ¾ wedge in. The pars returned. Winning golf, is hitting fairways and greens.

As a teenager I had a really nice 58 Chevy with a nice big back seat which at the time I was trying very hard to wear out. Having a low paying job at the grocery store did not give me an income to rent motels. Now and then, me and my pal, would split the cost of a room with 2 beds at the sleaze bag motel and take a couple of ho’s in there to bang. You would turn out all the lights and then listen to the other two moaning and groaning like a wilder beast giving birth.

Or, you went to the drive in movie on 63rd, parked on the back row, fogged up the windows and porked the bitch in the back seat. You never saw the movie, ever. It was always something awful anyway. But that cost money. I had this sexy redhead that really did not care where I took her, as long as she got the high hard one.

So I tried the lover’s lanes and the problem there is some bull comes up with a flashlight, they just wanted to see you screwing, the dirty old men. I did not find these places to be safe, especially during the summer when you had to have your windows down.

Back then the Swope Park zoo was wide open, no admission, no fences, you just walked in. Right next to the zoo was a drive way that made a 90 degree turn into several buildings where they stored their equipment. At night, I would drive in there, park, and nobody knew I was there. Not once did any one come up on me and if they did I would see their lights come around the bend. The perfect spot, nobody would think of, fookin in da zoo. I could hear the seals barking and the lions roar. At night, there was nobody there. I called it, Larry’s Lane. I used it in the winter when it was cold, or when it was raining in the summer. After I would get off, I would let out a Tarzan yodel, just to fook with the Lions, I wanted them to know, who was king of the beasts.

There were a lot of ho’s that you did not take out in public to nice places where all your pals hung out because everyone knew they put out to anyone. Bad girls with bad reputations. Those, I took directly to Larry’s Lane, popped open a pint of cheap booze, got them drunk fast and porked them good. then you took them straight back home. You put a helmet on your Willie because you did not want to pick up anything nasty or let them pull some I am knocked up she-yit you have to marry me crap. Most of them just wanted a hubbie so they could sit on their asses, pop out a couple of brats, get fat and have you feed and support them. My attitude was if I am getting the milk for free, why buy the cow?

Then I discovered the best way to screw in the summer time. #4 green at Swope Park number one golf course. I took the little red head up there the most. You parked your car, got a big thick blanket out of the trunk, a 6 pack of Coors, pack of lsmft’s and walked down and laid out the blanket right in the middle of the green. It was a party under the stars. You were not cramped up in the back seat. You could now move around like a couple of Roo’s in heat mate. Drink a little suds, pound away, fall back and smoke that Lucky. Life was so simple back then.

Nobody ever came up there at night and if they did you could hear and see them coming up the hill a mile away. Even if they got out of their car, they could not see you out on the golf course. I was totally safe, totally happy screwing on the golf green which was soft and like a bed.
I played the course the next day and when we went off of #4, I said this is twice in one day; I have put it in the hole on this green and got off both times. They would just look at me funny?

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If you are a real parrot head, which I am, this is our national anthem.