[FASTLARRY]

Nudist Golf

My wicked wicked ways on the golf course.

I am not a nudist. My friend I work out with in his dojo, a 6th degree black belt says I am. Trying to get me in his world, he invited me to perform a pool show at his Nudist camps pool table about 5 years ago. I came in dressed in a tux, with Max the wonder dog. They said, you are a little over dressed, and here, we play pool naked. I said, I understand, max is naked, and he will be playing pool for you running the table with his nose and paw.

They turned up the heat and little by little I began taking off clothes, but stayed in a towel around my waist. I can assure you, I have nothing to hide, it’s just I am not a nudist. That was my only trip to a Nudist camp and it was quite an experience. I never attended another one. The people all were great and very nice. I think most of them, are just over sexed. Voyeurs. Many of us go to the beach to leer at the young hotties in their bikinis. It's about the same thing, only they make no pretenses of it, nor do they hide it, like you do.

I sometimes walk out and sit in the sun at my patio table in my back yard in the nude. But my fence is 8’ tall and nobody can look over it. I go to a lot of Florida isolated beaches where I am all alone and walk the beach Nude. If somebody comes along, I slip on shorts. I just don’t enjoy getting naked around strangers, unless she is a young hottie and it’s in her bedroom and we are in private.

I have traveled the world and been to a lot of nudist beaches, but always kept my trunks on. In Europe and in the Caribbean they have rather loose and open morals there. At the Hotel hot tub, everyone gets naked and hops in. They view us here, as being up tight and puritan.

There are Nudist camps all over the country and many of them; especially in Florida has golf courses where you can play golf naked.

http://www.briansmit.../NUDIST%20GOLF/

You are going why? Right, if you are not a nudist, you would not.

I have and I can tell you that it is great. Walking bare foot in that soft lush Bermuda, helps you time your swing and find your balance which was something Sam Sneed always recommend as being poor he grew up barefoot and played a lot of early golf that way before he could afford shoes. I liked getting an even tan all over, having a female nude caddy, now that’s my idea of real golf dude.

I was ambushed into playing nude. When I moved to Gainesville, Florida in 73, this being a University town, during that era, this place was known as being sin city, totally decadent. This was ground zero of the sexual revolution. My first day in town, I got laid 3 times, by 3 different ladies, and I was not even trying to. They were all over me.

My factory and office was in High Springs which was a total red neck town, yee ha. I Spent as little time there as I could.
http://en.wikipedia....prings,_Florida

I lived in Gainesville which was not far away, and I moved in next door to a neighbor who was a total rich playboy. Let’s call him Jr. His momma in Michigan, to get him out of her hair and to give him something to do, bought a golf course for him in Gainesville. It was a public course, nothing fancy, but it was fun to play. When Jr found out I was a scratch player, he invited me out to play, on the house, but on Monday, when the course was closed. He said, nobody would be in our way and he was right. He wanted to set up some money matches with the locals who had companies, had a lot of money, and would gamble playing golf. I was perfect, a total unknown newbie in town. And I could hustle and pretend to be a mid 80 player. Soon, I had a lot of fresh cash my old lady never new about.

When I arrived and went into the club house, there were the two young secretaries that worked in the office; both were good lookin hotties with great bods. Then Jr dropped the bomb, he and I would be playing naked, with no clothes on with him driving the cart. He said, the two hotties would be behind us with the beer and ice and the scotch. They would caddy, hold the flag, tee up our ball, and caddy our balls, and they would be nude also. One look at these two young ladies and I was good to go.

There were no roads or houses on the sides or back of the course so once we got clear of the clubhouse and on the first green, you could not see us anymore.
If I would just take off my shirt at Shady Oaks CC, they would all faint and throw me out of the joint. So playing buck naked, was a little hard to get used to. The chicks were the bait, without them, no way, no how.

Man, I never had so much fun. It was hard, to keep your eye on the ball. With just the two of us, and JR was a mid 70 player, we were done in 3 hours even with all the drinking and having fun with the chicks.

With Jr now about half in the bag, he was drinking much more than me. I never drink during the day and only sipped a beer just to be social with him, he headed back to the clubhouse where he nailed his caddy on his desk and mine, of course, I used the pool table. I finished the day, with a bang. Kicking the 8 ball in the left corner pocket just when she yelled out, FL, YO MY Daddy. I said, true oh so true.

I was only in the office on Monday, and I then traveled the entire SE and Caribbean at that time, so it was hard to get away Monday afternoon, but I managed that about once a month. JB had a live in girlfriend at the time and she, nor my wife, knew what was going on there on Mondays. They never even figured out golf courses are closed on Mondays.

JR was a scoundrel, a loveable flake, a rouge, a guy who loved to have fun. I was only there for a year, and then I moved to Atlanta. I missed him a lot, and our Nude Golf. I am tellin ya, that is the only way to play golf. That was my ultimate golfing experience of my lifetime. Fook Cypress point, Gainesville smoked them all.

At the time I thought, how can life be any more perfect, great job, travel the Caribbean, they pay for everything, my best friend owns a golf course, lets me play free, gets me drunk and laid, the only thing missing would be to lose my old lady, marry a hooker who owned a disco and liquor store.

After I left town, eventually his drinking and his wicked ways and being your basic lazy bum ran the course into the ground which was no surprise to me. His Momma stepped in and took it away from him and put his brother in charge. The first thing he did, was stop the Monday golf I heard. They started working on the course on Monday instead.
I never golfed Nude again.

But my wicked ways on the Golf course was then born, after JR had corrupted my Midwest model of how the game should be played. I would never be the same.

1984, I fondly remember meeting this dazzling beautiful blond out in San Diego in a Disco. Face, 8.0, bod, 11.0, a full 9.0, a pair of hotters that were magnificent, and she had this executive position in the IRS and was in charge of busting all these drug ass holes hauling shit over the Mexican border. She made a lot of money, was divorced, mid to late 30's, had a big ass house with a nice pool and hot tub. Divorced and cleaned out her rich hubby and was set for life.

I was working out of La hoya, La Jolla, at the time, but being a national sales manager, and traveling the entire country, I only showed up there once a month living in Atlanta at the time. She lived in La hoya, So nice, I rarely dated a Gud twice, unless she was a 10 and fooked like a mink. A Gud, is a Geographical UN desireable, meaning the bitch lived more than 10 miles from you and she was not worth the gas.

http://en.wikipedia....wiki/California
http://www.a-zsandie...com/lajolla.htm
http://www.torreypinesgolfcourse.com/

She would not let me bag her the first night showing some class, so I called her the next day saying I am playing 18 in the afternoon at Torrey Pines, come play with me, take off early. She said, I will, but I don't play golf, I will just watch you. Oooooaaaaahhhhhhh.

I had this thing, to pick up chicks, and show them a fantasy date, where gomer would haul her ass to the dew drop inn and get them drunk, buy a 6 pack and take her home to pork her, they were so sick of that shit they could just scream, and I realized all women wanted was romance. I would go all out, spend anything, do anything to give them a date, they would remember all of their life.

To be treated like a lady, to be treated like a queen, to be given, her every hearts desire, And if I could give them romance, that fantasy date, where everything went, like, in their dreams, where I asked for and demanded nothing, they would gladly reward me with my fantasty of perfect love. It was quite simple, I need to write a how to book on this. It worked 99%, about 1,500 times with 9's or above. I never counted coyotes, and yes, now and then I would do one when things got tough, like getting stuck in cincinnati or Buffalo where nobody gets laid unless you marry the bitch.

She shows up in tight shorts, tight sweater, hotter than a brand new Puertean Rican credit card just askin for it. I thought, you are askin for it, babe, you came to the right place for it. Fo you are gonna get it. The fireman is on duty. He's got da hose, he can put out any fire.

The course was lightly attended early in the week, being a single most let me play through, I love this course, and I shot a 71 which she was most impressed with. The sun was going down, and I did not bring in the cart, but instead I headed back out and towards the cliffs and the ocean. All the rabbits had came out and we chased them around for a while in the rough off the course which she really liked this as it was great fun and the cart was too slow to catch any of them.

Then I found a place by the cliffs, to see the ocean, and the sun set, I pulled out a chilled bottle of dom 72, and we drank the bottle. I pulled out a Jar of Russian Bulga Caviar, said how about a fresh strawberry and brought several different nice chunks of cheese, a lovely picnic, and as the sun set, Bada boom. The Dom kicked in, the belt buckles hit the floor.

My first time to nail a chick on a golf cart. The back seat of my 58 Chevy was almost worn out by 1959, but a golf cart was like a church pew, you did not pork chicks on it. What the fook, you could go the hell for doin that. Saint Peter would never let yo ass in heaven after that blasphemy. That and playing golf nude, would send you to the Golf CC in hell.
When I drove back to the club, it was dark, they were all gone, and I left the cart with the key in it.

Oh how far gone I was by then. My Golf morals were in the dirt.

She was so impressed by that beautiful afternoon, she brought me back to her home, we got in her hot tub, which she said, no clothes were allowed in, I porked her under water, then to her king sized bed, and I nailed her twice more. When I woke up the next morning, hot damn, it was a scene right out of the movie Blazzing saddles where the Knee Gar, just porked the she-yit out of the Kraut bitch all night long, and once he has his pants one, he struts out like he's da man, and once he clears the door, that dude is on all 4's crawling to his horse. He is half fookin dead. Rode very hard, and put up wet.
Fade to fookin black. ditto. I know, what that felt like. 6 times in a night was my record, 4 was not bad, I was getting old by then.

http://www.killerclips.com/clip.php?id=137...db4d3e4e55dc4d5

Yo, after blowin that chicks socks off, there is no gettin rid of one of them after an Olympic 4 gold medal pork job. They will follow yo ass to the end of the fookin earth when you give them the fook of the century. Never give them the high hard one unless you are prepared for serious follow up work. If you don't want to see them again, just ride them like a bunny wabbit, be the 60 second man and they will never call you again.

But I did not want to lose this chick, she was great. And she drove a new Vet, and liking fast cars, she could pull some strings and end up with some fantasy cars she could divert to her place for the weekend after they busted some drug pusher and took his house and cars away. I got to drive my first Ferrari and Lamborghini. God I loved Dego. I was recently divorced at the time and was planning to move out there.

The problem is, and has, when I get everything just right, perfect, something comes along and fooks it all up. I was ready to move out there and marry this chick, and the company sells out, a new boss comes in who is some Ethiopian little whip ass nerd ass hole Harvard prick like Osama bama, and I bail out, stay, in Atlanta, start my own company. Some things are just not meant to be. Yo Sarah comes along and I marry her instead. Dego was never in my destiny, and I wanted it so bad.

Ok, I will make heaven, but I will never be admitted to the CC to tee off there because of my sins.
Hitting golf balls out of the 20th story hotel rooms into the parking lot, playing nude, screwing in golf carts, playing with an invisible ball, they won't let me near the Heaven golf course.

But they will have to let me in the pool hall. That’s cool, after a while, knowing I am a scratch golfer, they will sneak me in dressed in drag, or sometin like that. Somebody will want to slip in a ringer. I will show up looking like tootsie. I will kick ass, playing off the red tees.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084805/

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