[FASTLARRY]

Subject: amazingly simple home remedies


1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't
panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your
throat and, presto, the blockage will be removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while
slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold
them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your wife about
lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high-blood-pressure sufferers:
simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes,
thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember
to use a timer.

5. A mousetrap, placed on top of your alarm
clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going
back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large
dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb
with a hammer and you will forget all about the
toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what
the rules of life really are: You only need two
tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and
should, use the WD-40; if it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you
get to know them. So be brief with people.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.


Thoughts for the day:

If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you
might need them to empty your bedpan.

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for
anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them
down a flight of stairs.


[ Edited by FASTLARRY on 2006/12/16 10:47 ]

[Pelican]

Quote

Some people are like "slinkies". They're not really good for
anything; but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them
down a flight of stairs.

:-D Heard that a long time ago. Glad you reminded me of it. Always brought a chuckle.

Later my friend, Pel

Oh yea, when people ask how I am, a lot of the time I just say, "I woke up this morning and a lot of people didn't so I am grateful today". Other times I just say, "Old, Fat, and Ugly".

[ Edited by Pelican on 2006/12/16 13:29 ]

[RicktheStick]

My Dad says, when you are over 60, be very thankful when you make love, because it was probably the last time.