[billiardspoolnet]

> > Subject: Fw: elderly
> >
> >
> >
> > A very elderly gentleman, mid-nineties, well dressed, hair groomed, great
> > looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good aftershave
> > and presenting a dashing looked-after image walks into an upscale cocktail
> > lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, mid-eighties. The
> > gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip,
> > turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He
> > went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of
> > hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
> > The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor
> > said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you
> > can hear again."
> >
> > The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around
> > and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under
> > a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and
> > I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you
> > feel?"
> >
> > Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
> > "Really!?! Like a newborn baby?"
> > "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> > An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating,
> > the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were
> > talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it
> > was really great. I would recommend it very highly.
> >
> > The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
> >
> > The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of
> > that flower you give to someone you love? You know...the one that's red and
> > has thorns."
> >
> > "Do you mean a rose?"
> >
> > "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen
> > and yelled,
> > "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
> > However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly
> > gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his
> > feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> >
> > After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the
> > elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> >
> > "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out
> > of her hospital gown."
> >
> > ***************
> >
> > Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During
> > a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they
> > might want to start writing things down to help them remember.
> > Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
> > "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
> > "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
> > "Sure."
> > "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
> > "No, I can remember it."
> > "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it
> > down, so's not to forget it?"
> > He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> > strawberries."
> > "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, so write it
> > down?" she asks.
> > Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice
> > cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
> > Then he toddles into the kitchen.
> > After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his
> > wife a plate of bacon and eggs.
> > She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > A senior citizen said to his eighty-year-old buddy: "So I hear you're
> > getting married?"
> >
> > "Yep!"
> > "Do I know her?"
> > "Nope!"
> > "This woman, is she good looking?"
> > "Not really."
> > "Is she a good cook?"
> > "Naw, she can't cook too well."
> > "Does she have lots of money?"
> > "Nope! Poor as a church mouse."
> > "Well, then, is she good in bed?"
> > "I don't know."
> > "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"
> > "Because she can still drive!"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > Three old guys are out walking.
> > First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> > Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
> > Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me
> > four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
> > "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
> > "Twelve thirty."
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > Morris, an 82-year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days
> > later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young
> > woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and
> > said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
> >
> > Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be
> > cheerful.'"
> >
> > The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be
> > careful. '"
> >
> > <<<<<<<
> >
> > A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself
> > slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a
> > banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
> > "No!," he replied, "Arthritis